If you’re getting tired of me posting all my “launching a small business” content, please let me press pause with some behind the scenes of real life with Sarah.
For those of you who don’t know, our church Coastal Christian, where my husband Matt is a Teaching Pastor, just made a huge announcement that we are embarking on a building project for a new church. We have outgrown our current location and after much due diligence finally landed on a spot.
I’ve spent YEARS complaining about how we can’t function well as a ministry in our current location. It’s overcrowded; has limited children’s space; and NO parking. And now all of a sudden I’m like “HOLD ON.. wait... NO! WE CAN’T DO THIS!” I was surprised by my reaction and I’m not sure if it’s my fear of becoming a Megachurch or simply my love for the sweet season our fellowship has been in. But upon hearing the news, something inside of me made me dig my heels into the sand.
By and large, I don’t really care what people think (marrying a felon has assisted this process—I have grown me some thick skin lol.) If you know me… you know I like to shamelessly march to the beat of my own drum. However, every time I get a squinty eyed, head tilted suspicious filled question of “so what’s the church doing?”
I whimper a little bit on the inside. Why? My insecurity doesn’t stem from a legit concern about the churches move or the approval of those who attend. My fear steps in when the question jolts me into my own self-reflection. Am I doing what God intended me to do? And when that question flares up, a multitude of other questions flood my brain.
“Does my life even reflect Christ’s love?”
“Am I pouring into my children enough?”
“What if this small business is a complete failure?”
“What if I’m too worried about my kids and let my marriage fall by the wayside?”
“Am I being a good steward over what the Lord has entrusted to me?”
“Am I obeying God’s call on my life or am I so caught up in my own selfishness that I’m missing the mark?”
Ever been there? Have you ever stopped to ask God, “Hey is this You?” Maybe it’s a relationship move or a job opportunity or the building of a new church, but these seasons of life come without warning and can leave me feeling shut down, confused, or even questioning if I’m a true believer.
So, I have to rely on what I do know… despite the questions and uncertainty. I know I serve a God that is fully capable of redirecting my steps even if I get off course. I remind myself that when Moses led the Israelite's out of slavery and to the Promise Land, he didn’t have a ten-step program in place. He didn’t know what the next stage looked like, but He was obedient. When God called Jonah to go preach to those wretched degenerates over in Nineveh, Jonah wasn’t having it. But God’s will was accomplished DESPITE Jonah.
Friend, whoever is reading this... keep showing up. Keep seeking the joy of Jesus in the mundane. Keep pursuing the Good Shepherd even if you have feelings of doubt. Stay faithful even when you don’t see what God is doing and know that He is bigger than any problem or pain—even the undertaking of a new church. You don’t have to have all the answers. You just need to remember He is with you. He is able. He is good. And He is in control.
unfiltered pastor’s wife