THE WIFE THAT SWEEPS THE WHOLE STREET

I need to start off by stating that I am by no means an expert in ANY area of life; nor do I think that any woman married for less than 20 years has deep enough wisdom to add to this topic of DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN!!!… being a wife. However, I am not jotting these thoughts down from a place of “BOW DOWN PEASANT WOMEN, I AM THE ULTIMATE DOMESTIC PARTNER,” but more so from a place of sadness. Why am I sad? Hold tight, I’ll get there.

In the midst of this pandemic, I’ve been pressed to acknowledge an epidemic in the Christian marriages of 2020. I don’t mean to be exclusive here, but I’m really talking to the church-going couple. Not that I don’t have love for those outside of the body, but the convictions of someone seeking a Christ-centered marriage will probably sound silly to someone who does not believe in the God of the Bible. (I feel over-spiritual even saying that, but I just want to point out I’m not “preaching” to the que sera, sera mindset.) 

So why am I sad? Oddly, I’m sad for our husbands. I can’t help but notice so many men with their heads down, carrying mountains of bitterness and insecurity, and sometimes I ask myself “how are they being treated at home?” I mean…don’t we do that with kids? When I was little, my teacher pulled my parents into a meeting after noticing my inability to stop talking or even dancing during class because she was concerned that I wasn’t getting enough attention AT HOME. She was worried I was seeking that interaction in her classroom because it was lacking at home (which was not the case, I had an exceptional home life).

But that memory makes me pause and wonder why, with so much male-bashing, is there zero accountability placed on a wife? Trust me I understand there will always be deadbeat husbands and my heart hurts for women in loveless marriages. However, even though my faith believes that MAN is called to be the leader of the home, what happens when he does not lead, does that mean that we as wives are completely off the hook? I don’t think so.

My view could be stunted because I’m married to someone in ministry. One of the perks, or burdens, of being a pastor’s wife is you tend to be privy to the 2 am phone calls. But even in my own world, I see the same scene played over and over again--wives pleading and complaining about their husbands—ranting whether they will ever step up and be the spiritual leader. And oftentimes, these men are treated with less care than the family pet hamster.

I catch moments of heartbreak and frustration when hearing that a sister in Christ is in a “loveless marriage” only to later find out that her counterpart has been more beaten down and abandoned than Chuck Noland (played by Tom Hanks) in the movie Cast Away. We love to get our pound of flesh and expose our husband’s porn addiction, but no one really wants to talk about the rejection that dude has walked through night after night, week after week. I am in NO WAY making excuses for sin, nor do I want to be insensitive to the very real pain that comes with these issues-- but are we too busy playing the victim that we have forgotten it takes two to tango? Or should I say three for that matter (Ecclesiastes 4:12). 

When Sally spends her days complaining and manipulating her man, why does Sally wonder why her man doesn’t want to be around her. When Sally thinks that the Bible commands her husband to "lay down his life for her" (and it does), does that somehow give Sally the go-ahead to castrate him if he doesn’t. HEY SALLY, I wouldn't want to take you on a date (or really anywhere for that matter) if all I’m going to hear about is how I am failing you and the littles…Ok enough of the Sally reference. You get the point. We are all Sally. We know our husband's weakness, (I surely know mine), but do we even take the same amount of time to know their strengths? Are we too proud to admit that we play a part in this? Are we too prideful to diligently search OUR OWN hearts instead of demanding that God deals with our spouse’s heart?

We post placards about RECKLESS LOVE and CRAZY FAITH.. you know "BE THE HANDS AND FEET OF JESUS GIRL," but frankly it seems like we are more prone to pursue those attributes outside of our homes, for the watching eyes of community. Our own four walls should be our FIRST priority. I have especially failed in this arena and am humiliated to admit I am no better than Sally.

Just a few years ago, I wanted to push the quit button on my own marriage because “I couldn’t do this for the rest of my life.” If that’s shocking to you please remember social media is a highlight reel and VSCO filters can’t cover up sin. I found myself so laser-focused on Matt’s struggles that I MISSED the ginormous plank in my own eye. I am by no means saying that I'm healed from this hypocrisy or that I don’t slide into those moments of “well if he would do this.. THEN I would follow God's CALL to submit” or the ever-so-popular, “when he starts loving me better…then and only THEN will I start to respect him.” I’m guilty. SO guilty. But I don’t think I’m alone. 

Please do not hear what I am not saying. If you are in an abusive marriage you need to get out and get help. However, if this Ted Talk has struck a chord of conviction for you…cool. We’re coming to a close here.

This coin can be flipped on both sides and, yes, I believe that our husbands should be equally concerned with “sweeping their side of the street” as the old saying goes. Yet, I am in a season where God has been pressing me to get my eyes off his side or even my side of the street and simply sweep the street! Our husbands need us. Proverbs 14:1 says, "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”

We must remind each other that we can be climate changers. We can set the tone of our homes to a heavenly degree. Our homes can become a place where we lift up and recharge our husband as you would a cherished friend. The church of Christ is not lacking Sally’s, but I do believe it could use more women that are willing to sweep the entire street--and encourage others to the task as well.